Reticent Man

Ok.  Played a boring morning session, went to PG and did a decent crossfit.  Then went home and watched TV.

Poker A
Alpha C-
Mood B
Body B+
Energy B
Goals C+

Motivation still low.  May have found a temporary solution though.  Now I'm really trying to think of it as a game, like a board game, while I'm at the table.  Since I can now play my A game while relaxed, I can just try to enjoy it.  I think this will help.  I've been talking to Jesse about him possibly staking me at 40-80.  I made a huge spreadsheet that found some interesting things.  I think the probability of it happening is low, but it is possible.  The main question for me is why don't I just play 40-80 myself.  Did an ok crossfit.

Poker A-
Alpha C
Mood B+
Body A
Energy B
Goals C-

I thought it might be the case that it's my poker success right now that's suppressing my motivation, and I needed to take a hit to get it back.  So I got myself to the poker room today and got up 800, was feeling good and playing well, and then I got hit.  Minus 1300.  Played very well through it, my focused even sharpened.  Made a bunch of big laydowns, hopefully all correct.  I started to feel the tinglings of motivation.

Left for a break and had a Sam workout in which I had a ton of energy.  However I couldn't get myself to go back and play more. This is still going to turn out to be a terrible week and mediocre month hours wise, after it was going so well for a while.

Maybe my motivation is rebounding and next week it will be high.

Poker A
Alpha C
Mood B+
Body B (sore)
Energy A+
Goals C

My motivation just crashed after the Vegas trip.  Which was great and I wish I felt like writing about it.  I'm in danger of putting in no more hours this month than previous months.

Men are biologically designed to gain happiness through individual pursuits of achievement. The original venue for this is simply supplying for a family and more current venues are numerous and obvious. Men are also designed to gain happiness in a subordinate way by working with a team to achieve something and gaining happiness through the success of the team. The original venue for this is war and more current venues are team sports.

Women are biologically designed to gain happiness only in a subordinate way, by supporting a man and a family and gaining happiness through the success, happiness, and achievement of that family. (Note: This is a very useful generalization, but not an absolute. Certainly there are many women who can gain some happiness through individual pursuits, but it is not worth focusing on in the broad picture).

Feminist culture has successfully convinced entire generations of women that they can not gain happiness in a subordinate way. Thus they have ruined women's happiness.

The secret of life for a man is to go out into the world, slay hordes of enemies, bring home riches to his family, and then be appreciated for it with a steak dinner and a blowjob.

The secret of life for a woman is to find the worthiest man possible, one who is capable of slaying the most enemies and bringing home the most riches, and then making him want to do so by providing the best steak dinners and blowjobs.

And the key to the WHOLE thing, is that the woman is able to gain happiness and fulfillment directly from her man's happiness and fulfillment. When she feels in her heart and her vagina that her man is worthy and successful and she loves him, the acts of cooking him steak and sucking his cock will be the most satisfying moments of her life.

Labels: Thoughts

Good day.  This play in the morning and then a break and then again in the evening thing is really working out well.  Another 9 hour day with not too much problem.  Although I didn't quite play my best poker later in the day.  Kind of qimped out a little on the crossfit... I planned to do it at home but I think I need to go to the gym whenever I can. At 11:50 Neal had just joined the game at Garden City and was blowing through chips, but I was starting to lose focus and I think I made the right decision to just go home.

Poker B+
Alpha B-
Mood A
Body A
Energy B+
Goals A

Cool Day.
Tracy called me up to help him out picking him up from a car shop, and so I got an earlier start on poker.  Ended up putting in 5 good hours, then going to the gym, then coming back for 4 more good hours.  9 hours and it was easy.  Run probably about normal and made ok money.  Then I sweated Tracy in a crazy awesome 10-200 game.  He was down about 2k but came back to even.  And he met his mirror Wade, funny guy.  Stayed late but it was worth it.

I feel totally set up in everything now, poker, gym, sports.  Everything except alpha/women.  So soon is the time.

Poker A
Alpha C+
Body A
Mood A
Energy A
Goals A

Had Dim Sum with hockey friends in the morning, then watched NFL for a while, played powerball, then more NFL.  Went to Garden City for a bit but the 20 game was so tight and awful that I just left after 20 minutes. Skipped my crossfit unfortunately.

Poker NA
Alpha C
Mood B+
Body A
Energy B+
Goals B

Got up, and was fooling around when I got notice that Neal had arrived at Garden City and there was no list.  I need to get up and out earlier on Saturdays.  So I got over there and got in by 12:20.  I ran super hot and Jesse ran super bad.  For at least the first 4 hours I lost only 2 pots in which I put money in the pot on the turn or river, and on one of those hands, I should have folded the turn.  Ended up slowing down and reversing, but cashed out up 3 racks.  My ability to put in long hours when winning is nonexistant.  Still I played very well until near the end.

Poker A
Alpha C
Mood A
Body A
Energy A-
Goals A

Long day.  Played hockey at noon, Korolyuk there.  Great skate, and I played very well, as did Jamie.  Just very rewarding.  Then went to PG and worked on Olympic Lifting with Sam.  Very productive.  Went home and lost a little momentum... was tired.  Eventually made it to Bay 101 to play poker for a couple hours where I wasn't very interested but I did play fairly well.  Then went to watch the Otters play with Marty in goal, was fun but the Otters are very sour right now.  Feeling a little less sore.

Poker A-
Alpha C-
Mood A
Body C+
Energy B
Goals B+

WInning every day is great, I should have tried this months ago!  Took it slow in the morning, feeling a little less sore though, which is good.  Did my crossfit, and then went for a long session.  Should have been 8 hours, but I left after 7 because my level of play dropped starting out about the 6 hour mark.  This is a serious ongoing problem.  But my play for the first 6 hours was fantastic and I'm very excited about my ongoing level of play.  And I'm running well too.

Hockey was pretty good, another easy win for my team which is just so stacked.

Poker A-
Alpha B-
Mood A
Body C+
Energy B
Goals A

Another nice day.  Incredibly sore still.  20 minute hot tub before hockey, I played reasonably well, but it was tough because I was playing against Paul Bernard for the first time and he's an excellent goalie, and I faced some tough situations.  Alex Korolyuk showed up which was a nice surprise.  I did my crossfit total and relative easily beat my previous totals... I can probably easily beat them again too.

Then I played poker and really had a good time for a while, playing my best game.  The only problem was I started to feel like I wanted to go early and after I lost some small standard pots I left without putting in as many hours as I'd like. However, I've built a solid base of profit for November so hopefully putting in immense hours in the future will be no problem.  I was really enjoying playing for a while.  I was really tired all day though.

Poker A+
Alpha B-
Mood A
Body D
Energy D
Goals B

My birthday, I'm 32.  Just writing that now does give me a little sadness.  But I'm thinking about my goals in life... I could still be 45 with about everything complete and be totally satisfied.   Suuuuper sore today.... and I have a workout with Sam that's going to be tough.  Washed my car too.  The workout was ok, just played soccer.

Poker was good, I didn't play as perfectly as I did yesterday, but still what I'd call an A game.  And I ran well... so very nice overall.

Poker A-
Alpha C
Energy B
Body D
Mood B
Goals A

Pretty good day.  Hockey was a little lame, wasnt a good skate and I didnt get up for it, knowing I'd be playing in better skates on Wed and Fri.  I need to bring it then though.  Crossfit, I did it, but it wasn't ideal.  The Rx'd workout involved Overhead squats, which is just something I can't really do.  It feels incredibly awkward, especially on my shoulders.  I did thrusters instead, though probably not enough to compare to the workload Rx'd.  Still it was decent, I give myself credit for a real workout.  I am sore as hell now though.

Then I went and played poker, and played my absolute A+ game.  I did make a couple of mistakes/too thin calls.  But I never came close to letting a loss/mistake tilt me.  I made some very good laydowns as well, and just generally was on top of everything.  Still lost $650, but I feel really good about it.

Poker A+
Alpha B-
Mood A-
Energy B
Body C (v sore)
Goals A

A very good start to the new month.  Played well in subspace.  Watched NFL... did crossfit in the evening it was very tough.  Then I showered and went to GC for a quick session.  Ran hot right from the start and pulled in $900 in 2 hours, playing very well.

Poker A
Alpha C
Mood B
Body B
Energy B-
Goals A

Went to play early to catch the Neal game.  Neal was there but I couldnt get in the game.  Ended up playing 40-80 instead.  I didn't win but I gained confidence in that game.  I can beat it.  But I don't know if I should play it, I'm certainly not rolled for it.  I'm having trouble figuring out exactly what the best path is.  I want to complete my alpha. I want to make money but I'm not playing enough poker.  And I skipped crossfit.

I did figure out that all my bad feelings from poker come from the same thing.  I make a mistake that compounds into a bad beat or big loss and I get very angry at the situation when it's really my mistake that causes the anger.  I need to either stop that or just stop playing when that happens.

What should I do?  Try to put in 150 hour months until my bankroll is good again?  I could still bust.
I will see

Poker B
Alpha D
Energy C
Motivation B
Mood D
Body C