Reticent Man

Feeling better.  I did resolve that dissatisfaction.  I'm just enjoying my free time, playing wesnoth, which is a good game.  Friday we had a pretty good pickup, but I couldn't bring any intensity, which was a shame but not a surprise.  Friday not I played out for the Otters in our consolation game and had a hat trick... that was fun.  Then watched a nice final with the Old-Timers upsetting the Intangibles in a shootout.
Going to relax and play today.  Got a call for a San Jose CC game at 5:45.  I'm conflicted about it.  Cons: CC is a little low, I'm playing tomorrow and maybe monday and could use the rest. Pros:  The matchup is decent but not perfect, I could use the increased familiarity with San Jose and the confidence boost of playing well there.  I have nothing else important to do.

I still have a lingering dissatisfaction.  I think it's because I just can't reconcile whether I'm suppose to be being productive right now.  On the one hand I feel I should be, because I certainly have many things longterm that need to be done.  On the other hand, there are so many confounding factors on the things I need to do, most involving money/job status.  I need to just clarify every situation so I can be at peace, able to relax and enjoy my free time.  I'm not going to plan for Ian's wedding until I get the invitation. At this very minute the only things I need to do are:
1) Carkey, which at this time I cant do until tomorrow, but should.
2) re: Grace, which I will do now
3) Straighten up, which I will do now

I'm worn out today.  Played goalie pickup yesterday afternoon with very little energy.  Then watched the Wednesday keg game, played in the 930, stupidly blocked a shot with the side of my foot.  I need to do a better job of regulating how hard I'm going to try and how much I care about the outcome and how much I care about what other people are doing.  There's no reason to get annoyed while playing these games for fun.  Part of it is that I'm annoyed that my play isn't meeting my expectations, and of course when unfocused I transfer that annoyance onto others.  The question is whether my play isn't meeting expectations because I'm in a slump or whether it's because I let a streak of good/lucky play raise my expectations unrealistically.  Unfortunately all the Geckos bailed on the 1045 game, which was disappointing, and poor Tony showed up just to play 3v3 with random guys.  I was wasted by the end of the day though, and easily slept 9 hours.

Back to Tuesday, the keg game was quite fun.  My team had a good lineup with AJ and Brian and Jason, and I was confident.  We beat them 9-1, although it was 4-1 going into the 3rd.   I did face quite a few shots, although many from sharp angles.  I played fairly well and also fairly lucky, although I did a good job of remembering not to mention that this time.  I've been on a huge upswing recently in goalie luck and it's nice.  So it's 6 keg wins in I think 13 IO seasons combined.  4 for 9 in goal, and 2 for 4 skating.  Not bad at all.

So little to do right now.  I'm not going to play poker... I'm waiting to hear from PI.  So the logic is to make sure I'm where I want to be when I start working so I don't lose too much.  Like I said before, health and body I'm fine and figure to stay fine... I have a freezer full of meat.  I've got plenty of hockey to play, as much as I can handle, and I will upgrade the equipment as soon as the money rolls in.  I have some long term projects to work on, piano, chess, my visits, and possibly guitar, photo, and wardrobe.  Most of those are waiting for money.  So it's communication focus.

Still to do:
Carkey program.
Ian's wedding.

Better today.  Got up at 10:00 to start forcing myself back on a good sleep schedule.  Talked to Arnold for a bit.  He doesn't have anything for me right now but there is a possibility down the road.  Who knows how it will work out with the PI thing. Booked Ian's bachelor party trip.  Laundry and relaxing, waiting for hockey.

Wasted day.  I'm a little down now because I don't seem to have anything productive that I want to do.  At least tomorrow I have Arnold, and then Ian Bach and then hockey.


Current to do:
Plans for Ian Bachelor party
Plans for Ian wedding
Get hockey equipment from IO
CarKey program

scheduled
Hear about job next week
Re: Arnold Tuesday 27
Tuesday keg game 27
Wednesday pickup 28
Wednesday geckos 28 1045
Friday pickup 30 
Friday Otters 30 700

Relaxing day and I feel very good.  Subbed in a couple goalie games for Art Wong.  The Vallco game was nice but that rink sucks.  What to do this week?  Well I should be hearing about the job but probably not starting yet.  Several hockey games and a lot of free time.

Today:
Chess: some vids. a3 against comp, beat 1200 pretty easily.  1-2 mistakes midgame.... no focus on won endgame.

General focus is on remembering and focusing on awesomeness in public.  Voice volume.  In phil, nothing to think about.  At this point politics, philosophy, and sociology are just time wasters.  I know the answers, I don't need to reread the details.  Short term life goals are wealth accumulation, mental stimulation, and physical/mental enjoyment.  Long term goals are increasing public character, building family, and continuing short term goals.  Sporting, health, and body are maintain status quo.  I don't need to be ripped and in 100% best shape.  I will get to a good maximum at hockey and enjoy it and then decline.  My body and image are fine as is, wardrobe could improve.

Current to do:

Plans for Ian Bachelor party
Plans for Ian wedding
Get hockey equipment from IO
dishes
straighten

scheduled
Hear about job next week
Re: Arnold Monday 26
Tuesday keg game 27
Wednesday pickup 28
Wednesday geckos 28 1045
Friday pickup 30 
Friday Otters 30 700

Ongoing to do:
Play chess
piano
poker
visit

Longterm
wardrobe
hockey equip
photo?
guitar?