Reticent Man

A good start.  My main diet problem seems to be getting enough to eat. I get this feeling like I can't eat anymore after about 4-600 calories of fat and protein but deep down I'm still hungry.  Snacking is part of the answer but so far the only really great snacks I can think of are nuts and guac.

A few people at hockey pickup said "that's the best I've ever seen you play".  I did have a really good game.  My workout with Sam was tough but I did ok.  And then I played poker fairly well I think, at least better than I have been.

Day 1.

I'm primal now. It's going to be tough... but probably not tougher than the caloric reduction I undertook to lose weight a couple years ago.
I skipped out on a poker session this evening.  I'm still feeling gassy and tired.  I've planned for tomorrow.

I should have all the pieces now.
Diet
Activity Level (excercise)
Psychology
Schedule
Game

By November 3, 2010 when I turn 33, I will be the perfect me.  Lean and athletic, and with a practiced Game.  I will support myself with 25-30 hours a week of $50/hr winning poker, which I will be able to play while focused and untired.

Labels: Personal Thoughts

Women:

Women have 2 main instincts.  These instincts inform almost the entire character and being of a woman.  The stronger instinct is the instinct to be knocked up by as alpha a man as possible.  The weaker instinct is the instinct to trade sex for protection/provision.  These instincts can at times work together and at times be in conflict.  The hypergamous instinct is controlled and directed in two main ways.  Cultural norms that strongly suggest 'old-fashion' monogamy and chastity can simply blunt the instinct head-on.  This leads to women settling for less alpha men and generally not really loving them or being happy.  The other control is the self-esteem developed in the woman.  The lower the self-esteem of the woman, the more alpha in comparison seem any random guys who happen to be avilable to her.  Thus there is a seeming paradox that the woman with low self-esteem is more likely to end up in love/lust with a man who will stay with her and she will have real long-term happiness, while the woman who is built up and put on a pedestal by her family and society and so develops very high self-esteem cannot achieve real love with any but the most alpha of men, who she is unlikely to be able to retain for any length of time.  However it is not a paradox because when the initially low-esteem woman is with an alpha man, she now derives her esteem through that 'achievement', and gains real happiness in a beneficial cycle by supporting and increasing the value of that man.  Meanwhile the built-up woman has no path for real happiness, and finds that her self-esteem is shallow.

This clearly explains why foreign women, especially from non-Western cultures are becoming so much more desirable to men.  Because these cultures have not been working so hard to build-up women, their women are capable of seeing the average to above average man as an alpha, rather than only the very top men.  As a result a relationship between a foreign woman and a man develops more easily and works out better for both parties.

The protection/provision instinct is different.  For a woman there is always an element of trade in play.  This can range from getting compliments and flowers just 'for being beautiful' to downright sex for stuff.  Women are definitely comfortable with these trades for anything all the way up to sex, depending on their needs, with theoretically any man, whether he's alpha to her or not.  Clearly with a non-alpha man there is no love/lust in the transaction.  It is a well known Game concept that engaging in any such transaction (e.g. buying her a drink) when you're not in an alpha position lowers your value and prevents you from ever being in an alpha position.  What's less clear is the effects of the transaction when you are in an alpha position.  This of course has important implications for any potential long term relationship even with a solid alpha basis.  I speculate that the resolution of this issue is that when the woman knows that she doesn't love the man she subconsciously doesn't value what she is giving the man in return for whatever he is giving.  Therefore he is a sucker for the trade and this lowers his value.  But if he is alpha to her, she is giving herself to him, and even if he is giving her provision in return, it is a fair trade and does not make him a sucker.  This squares with the Game concept that the woman will give more of anything (love, texts, drinks) to the man than he gives back.  The alpha man can give to the woman as long as he is getting back more, and when she is giving herself fully to him that can include full provision (but lay off the diamonds).

All of a woman's emotions are tied up in the first instinct, the second one is unemotional.

Labels: Thoughts

eh.
Standard day.  Played poker then hockey.  Lost again at poker... I'm playing ok.  I think my motivation tactic is working.  But I'm way behind now, I'll have to see if it still works if I'm behind for a month.

Hockey was fun, I scored an incredible end to end goal.

PokerB
Alpha B-
Mood B
Body B
Energy B
Goals B

Lame.  Now I'm losing.  Played hockey, did pretty well in goal, stopped Ian way more often than I usually do.  Had a workout with Sam.  Then played poker, played ok but didn't win.  I think my motivation is better now though.

Poker B
Alpha B-
Mood B
Body B
Energy B
Goals A

Ok day I guess.  One interesting thing, It's colder than it's ever been since I moved here, 32 degrees.  Did chores in the morning, workout with Sam in the afternoon.  Went to play poker in the evening, but the games were oddly bad.  The only 20 game at GC was 3 handed and it broke after I played 4 hands. So I played some 40 and it was ok until that got short and I quit.  Then I went to Bay and none of the 3 games were really any good. Had a tough beat where a prop posted his big blind, 5 bet my aces pf with JJ, we went 5 bets on the J94J turn and I called him down.

I might try a new motivation tactic where I have to win $300 5 days a week and if I fall behind I have play max hours until I catch up.

Poker A-
Alpha C+
Mood B
Body B
Energy B
Goals C

Been a tough little while in terms of organization.  I'm trying to get it back this week.

Good day.  Just played poker. Ran well and won a lot.  Skipping my excercise.

Poker B+
Alpha D
Mood B+
Body A
Energy B
Goals B-

Ok day. Played a 6.5 hour session, get creamed but played well felt fine.  Didn't do much else.  My sleep schedule is later than I'd like it to be but I have energy.

Poker A
Alpha C
Mood A
Body A
Energy A
Goals A

Ok, December 1.  Winning so much early in November killed my motivation for the rest of that month.  But now I'm back... I want to brutalize Decemeber.  I feel like Alex in Clockwork Orange, I'm going to rape and destroy everything in my path.